Parenting Advice
Brief notes from discussions
Of Dr. Becky Kennedy
Published : 23/04/2024
Last updated: 16/05/2024
Parenting is the only job we are supposed to have for the longest amount of time, in fact its the only one that we’d still care about in our old-age, or make a difference to us on our death-bed…
Parenting has no brakes, sometimes fun, sometimes not, but it is ‘the most’ impactful experience of our life!
And guess what? -we never received any proper training for it.
For parents seeking guidance, to raise incredible human beings, here are some tips noted down from discussions of Dr. Becky Kennedy -The Millennial Parenting Whisperer | Times Magazine.
Connect before you Correct
Starting from a very early age, when children are forming their identity, parenting is the last place where you’d want to correct your child, through sturdy attitude to establish right and wrong.
Children’s bad behavior at an early age does not necessarily mean they are bad inside, cause they are actually good and innocent, but can still have unsettling behavior.
For example, you correct your child for bad behavior, with a loud tone. The child will definitely feel ashamed, angered or awful about themselves, and afterwards they might try to behave better, but their reason to make an effort for good behavior does not arise from a good experience. and a repetitions of such events could actually be bad for your child in their later life.
Now, address the same issue one-on-one, between you and your child, keeping in mind that your child is good inside. And in a calm and respectful manner have a discussion about what was wrong about that behavior. Know that its instantly a more comfortable and positive communication – this is where the connection takes place, where correcting them can actually inspire them to always behave with the good they are inside!
To note down in steps -The first step to fixing children’s bad behavior would be to try and understand reasons for such behavior, that is the foundation required to help change their bad behavior… sit down and connect with them… finally correct them…
Repetitions of such events can actually create a lasting motivation and help them acquire matured behavior as they get older.
Emotional Regulation
We want to focus on making our children resilient over emotions by helping them learn how surf through unsettling emotions.
Example, when they can’t solve puzzles or can’t do the homework and are disappointed or frustrated, we need to make them believe how they are definitely able to figure it out themselves, if they don’t give up! And literally let them figure it out with a bit of time before us parent’s slowly infuse intervention.
Instead, if we only focus on making them happy, and we do it for them, what we are actually doing is helping them ignore that emotion -the children are essentially becoming oblivious to handling that feeling and so becoming less tolerant towards unsettling emotions.
As they grow older, their reaction to such emotions could be throwing tantrums and breakdowns -our job is to make sure we teach them how to be resilient over their emotions!
In a hypothetical example
If unsettling emotions are like blinding lights,
Teaching ’emotional regulation’ is knowing how to control those lights,
Else ‘teaching ignorant happiness’ is just turning those lights off!
-emotional regulation should be one of the first goals of childhood being taught by parents having a firm grasp over it.
On a side note
A parent’s word becomes a child’s self-talk in emotional situations. Therefore, it is the task of the parent to inspire their child through their words…
When they share something sensitive, start a conversation with ”I’m so glad that we are talking about this…”,
When they are not confident in something make their conviction stronger by saying “I believe you!”,
Or make them comfortable, by saying “Tell me more”
Repeat this throughout their childhood and it might do wonders in behavior of your child!
Children are born with all of the emotions and none of the skills to manage it, this constant grooming of ‘getting a grasp of unsettling emotions’ can result into a positive and matured mindset. Helping them visualize, that beyond the good that’s inside them, awaits greatness!
